http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/index.htmlHot News!enbabitsm@aol.comCopyright 2009 Marty Babits2010-02-23T17:16:19-05:00 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 Sun, 01 Mar 2009 22:24:08 -0500babitsm@aol.comAngercompassioncouples workcouples self-focus2010-02-23T17:16:19-05:00http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/21dac5598e514f1f83e209e3233ab584-9.html#unique-entry-id-9http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/21dac5598e514f1f83e209e3233ab584-9.html#unique-entry-id-9 is Jamaica's former representative to the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women and the OAS/CIM – the Women’s Section of the OAS. She is a gender and transformational trainer; consultant on Third World developmental issues, as well as issues of communications and gender. A Vice President of the Third World Foundation headquartered in Chicago, Illinois, Anderson-Manley was active in the politics of the Peoples' National Party in the 1970's and early 1980's. She has written numerous papers on Third World political, social and economic issues as well as articles on communications and transformation. She is well known in Jamaica, the Caribbean and the Third World as an expert on Gender and Development with particular emphasis on Policy issues. This podcast interview is the part of a series of recent radio appearances I have made on HOT102.FM Jamaica.

Podcast]]>babitsm@aol.comWelcome2009-10-01T12:25:47-04:00http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/Welcome.html#unique-entry-id-8http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/Welcome.html#unique-entry-id-8Welcome to the Power of the MIddle Ground blog!

You will find a series of relationship Q & A sessions, information and opinion pieces as well as podcasts and links to current articles of interest.

I welcome questions, comments and suggestions.

My goal is to expand understanding about how valuable the power of the middle ground can be in solving relationship difficulties.

I will answer as many questions on the blog site as my schedule permits.

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY: Unless you specify the wish for a private response, I assume that your sending me a question signifies permission for me to respond to your question on the blog, so please disguise information that you wish to keep confidential. If you do specify the desire for a private response I will, to the extent that time permits, respond with a private email.

Responses offered here are made to help you come to terms with whatever problem you may be writing about. I am under obligation to state that this forum is not a therapy venue per se. Any idea or suggestion taken from this site must be used with understanding that the responsibility for the results obtained is retained exclusively by the reader of the site and not the website author.. ]]>babitsm@aol.comgratefulnessconnection2010-04-21T17:11:49-04:00http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/9aa0929f1f9df578e673583e859053da-5.html#unique-entry-id-5http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/9aa0929f1f9df578e673583e859053da-5.html#unique-entry-id-5In this interview, I give explicit instructions on how couples can access, or think about approaching their Middle Ground. Reverend Jennifer and her husband, Ogun, brought out the heart of the Middle Ground concepts with their astute questions and comments. Here’s the show we did together: : Podcast

To hear more of the Family Unity Matters Programming check out http://unity.fm/program/UnityFamilyMatters]]>babitsm@aol.comSight-Unseen RelationshipNew Relationship2009-12-10T14:12:16-05:00http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/9ff275007035258b147b4df43c653b66-4.html#unique-entry-id-4http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/9ff275007035258b147b4df43c653b66-4.html#unique-entry-id-4Q: Can a sight-unseen relationship be viable? I have been corresponding with a man from Florida (I am a New Yorker) over the internet for the past two months. We have spoken over the phone, exchange text messages and have, in a very unusual but exciting way, become close without having actually met each other. What is the probability that a sight-unseen relationship like ours will blossom into a great relationship? I have heard horror stories of people in situations like mine being exploited by others who misrepresent themselves in this type situation. I would appreciate any advice you can give me on this.

A: Whether a sight-unseen relationship can be viable is certainly relevant to your situation but a more general and equally pertinent concern is:  If a relationship is at the beginning stages and you've SEEN little of the other person, how much of an emotional investment makes sense?  The prudent answer: not much. Romance with someone you have – in your case, never - barely met in the flesh will likely be shrouded in fantasy; this fantasy may or may not have much to do with who the other actually is.  Using the same logic, an intoxicating first date with someone you have limited experience with - even if that limited experience was extremely positive - is not enough to justify a substantial financial and/or emotional investment!  Romance is lovely but it needs to survive light of day in order to merit trust.  There must be some means, built into contact early in a relationship - whether it is on the internet or in person - to give a person a sense of the other's context; who they are and where they are coming from, literally and metaphorically speaking. For starters, do you know whether they are available or spoken? How do you evaluate a person’s essential honesty? Their ability to make themselves vulnerable? This is the work of getting to know someone and it requires using head and heart in coordination – they can’t really be separated anyway! But you must be open to all of your feelings and thoughts and monitor what your gut tells you: then make an informed decision about how you wish to proceed. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are known to the other but they are a mystery – albeit possibly a very seductive and attractive mystery – then beware! This is the situation in which people searching for love can find themselves manipulated and treated unfairly. Getting to know someone necessitates a multi-dimensional give-and-take which is not possible to achieve through internet-phone-texting contact alone; but must be worked at, and achieved, in real time encounters.  
]]>babitsm@aol.comSocial NetworkingAddiction2010-01-27T23:00:00-05:00http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/5023ac453d172a4950b492c49659b877-2.html#unique-entry-id-2http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/5023ac453d172a4950b492c49659b877-2.html#unique-entry-id-2
Q: What are some of the causes of addiction to social networking? How and why do people get hooked? What is the allure of social media compared to attachment to people in a three-dimensional context?  How many Americans are addicted to social networking?

A: Social networking addiction is like any other: the dependent person gauges their self-esteem and regulates their emotions through their addiction rather than through direct connection with their "real" interpersonal surround.  

The causes for this type of addiction runs the gamut from depression, despair of making contact with people face-to-face, to anxiety disorders, fear of disappointment and potential confirmation of a core identity that is neither strong enough nor worthy enough to gain the attention of others without the use of the addictive medium as a go-between.   

If one is neglected in a Facebook foray, in contrast to a get-together with a friend, no other person is privy to the reality of this defeat.  The shame and loneliness that a person who uses social networking to shield themselves from the risks that contact with others can - at least for a time - remain private. Issues such as facing humiliation at one's need for others can seem to be under control despite a characteristic sense of desperation that is the hallmark of addiction.

Current Facebook users number at approximately 30 million!   Because social networking addiction has not been formally recognized as a diagnosable condition there are no reliable studies or statistics on how many of users are addicted.  

I'd estimate that between five and ten percent of social media users - conservatively pegged at 5 million - are addicts.  

]]>babitsm@aol.comAddictiontough loveteenage problems parenting2009-11-20T13:34:16-05:00http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/8ebb65b4522e4da4906b977fb7dfb530-1.html#unique-entry-id-1http://www.powerofthemiddleground.com/page5/files/8ebb65b4522e4da4906b977fb7dfb530-1.html#unique-entry-id-1Q: My teenage son has got an addiction problem. The counselor we are working with suggests a tough love approach. Can this be harmful? My husband is less willing to go along with it. Can it still work? Why do you think someone would resist a tough love approach? Please advise.

A: Tough love means firm boundaries.  Without firm boundaries, addiction runs rampant.  Tough love alone won't produce sobriety though.  Tough love must be coupled with understanding, acceptance, encouragement and faith that the addict can regain control; all of these without the firm boundaries would be less than sufficient. Remember:  addicts are addicted to lying as well as substances.  Tough love demands honesty.  That's why it's an essential part of recovery.  What is tough may not, necessarily, be harsh.  There's got to be "love'" in the toughness.  

If one parent agrees to a tough love strategy and another doesn't it sometimes means that the parent who is unwilling to engage in the strategy is in denial about how brutal addiction can be to a teen's body and soul. The tough love stands to protect the teen from the addiction.  The recovery strategy must be tough enough to withstand the addiction's ruthlessness. 

Sometimes refusal to sign on to a tough love strategy results from a parent being in denial about whether their child is addicted.  Admittedly, this is an excruciating realization. too painful for some.

Given your differences it is questionable whether any approach will work. That will depend to a large degree upon whether you and your husband can strike a balance between the strengths in your willingness to apply a tough love strategy and his unwillingness. In other words, you can completment OR undermine each other. Is there a way in which he can support you without agreeing one hundred percent in the way you see the situation? Is there some way to extend a softness to your son ON THE CONDITION that he is following the rules set out to prevent him from using? And can your husband agree that firm boundaries – regardless of whether you call it tough love or adequate support – are needed. If you can not come to an agreement about this point supporting your son’s recovery will be difficult. Your best option: talk things out with your husband and make sure that he sees that, in your caring for your son and your need to see your son get better – you are, despite differences, on the same page.
]]>